Passing the Time
by ArchRose
Summary: Stuck on Earth, locked up for a crime she didn't commit, Commander Shepard spends her first week incarcerated ("temporarily relieved of duty") replaying recent events in her head. As she awaits her trial, she's given a gift from an old friend to help pass the time. Rated M for language and minor adult situations.
1. Passing the Time: Chapter 1

Notes:

This story takes place after the Collector Base. This Shepard (femShep) is Paragon, destroyed the Collector Base, and was completely unaware of the events that happened at the Alpha Relay. Original content within the context of the story-line (with some very minor alterations). I tried my best to mirror the timeline with what I felt would be appropriate for the setting. I also kept up with BioWare's design of Shepard to be a woman on a last name basis. Even though I'm fully aware of technological constraints, it is amusing.

Your word of warning. I listened to a lot of Muse and Linkin Park while coming up with this story. For better or for worse, they unintentionally influenced some of the events.

Oh and I don't own any of the characters, locations, or instances of Mass Effect. Yadda, yadda, yadda. The safety clause to not get sued!

* * *

_'Why is everyone saying I'm "incarcerated." Temporarily relieved of active duty would be, accurate.' _She kept mulling over the events of the past few days. Her head was still spinning trying to make sense of it all. Accused of destroying a space station of hundreds of thousands. Dragged back to Earth. Her ship impounded. Her crew, gone. Her friends, banished. Everything was crumbling again. She scoffed as she crossed her arms and looked out the window.

"Just like when I died."

Commander Shepard. Born an orphan on Earth. She dug her way through the tough streets in the pestilence- ridden pit holes of New York, rose above the rest, joined the Alliance, became a hero, and saved the galaxy, '_Twice' _she bemused. That is the Commander everyone believed. A rags to riches story groomed to be all too perfect for the Alliance to perk up the recruitment numbers. '_If you work hard, you can fulfill your dreams_.'

She ran a hand through her hair, pushing back her bangs to tuck them behind her ear. It had grown out since she had been brought back from the great beyond. It was still mostly a deep brown with flecks of black, resting comfortably below her shoulders while contouring her face. She was ready to get rid of it all after the Collector's Base, but someone convinced her otherwise.

No longer in her Cerberus gear, she was thrust back into an Alliance uniform. An upgraded style that looked more like war-time military fatigues of black the grey with shoulder guards, and less like a restrictive bodysuit, Shepard felt like a soldier again. Excluding the longer hair. Even her face felt more alive than she had remembered it being. Initially she was resistant to the treatments to remove her scars from the implants Cerberus stuffed into her, but now she was glad to have gone through it. There was mental clarity. Superficial of course, but sometimes being able to look at your reflection and feel normal really helped ease the mind of any worries. She was glad that her eyes still shone the piercing green she was so use to. Shepard wondered briefly before what it would be like to have the mechanical eyes of the Illusive Man. Too creepy to entertain the thought she brushed it aside with a wave of her hand and was glad they spent so much money to keep her the same. 5'9". Lean. Muscular in a toned fashion. Fast. Sharp. All of her reflexes were still there.

Shepard dragged her head out of the clouds to focus on her current state. She was stuck. In a room. At Alliance headquarters. Multiple ways out. Easily. She's been in this position dozens of times, just not with her bosses. While she had gone rogue temporarily, she didn't want to piss off the Alliance, the only home she knew. She plopped herself into a chair that faced the oversized window, crossing her arms with her elbows planted on her knees as she leaned forward. "The windows are too big," she murmured to herself. "Structural weakness. Easy target," she hummed.

The events of the morning were replaying in her head. Barely a day back on Earth and she was shuttled over to the chamber room where the big-wigs convened. She couldn't remember their faces, what their voices sounded like, or what they were doing. But she did know the words.

"You'll be held here while we investigate the matter."

"Your actions are very unbecoming of you Shepard."

"We respect what you have done for us, but we can't have a diplomatic issue, let alone a war, with the Batarians."

And that was that. She did remember seeing Admiral Hackett waiting for her outside, but she didn't fight him. He drolled out her restrictions and the Normady was grounded, impounded, with an impending retro-fit back to Alliance regulations. She had already protested when he picked her up, so she knew it was futile to raise an argument she would never win. She was escorted back to her room, her prison. Well better then a prison. At least it had a comfortable bed, a bookcase, a bathroom, and one hell of a view. Twelve stories up and towering over the city of Vancouver, Canada. People probably paid thousands of credits of month just to get even a fraction of this space in the city. Granted the layout was a little bland, white concrete walls, oak shelves and metal tables, but the skyline made up for it. She had returned at least 4 hours ago and had already ran through her exercise routine. Now she was bored out of her mind and with her thoughts.

Hackett handed her a data pad to fill out; to explain the past few months and why her actions were necessary to save the lives of those colonists that lived outside of their jurisdiction. But she couldn't bring herself to answer all of those questions right now. More mindless paperwork. After months of being drilled and watched by Cerberus, with every detail recorded on their missions, she didn't want to dribble it all again on paper as a soldier. Not so soon.

Feeling her body slumping into the chair, there was a buzz at the door. A mumble behind the door was a man identifying himself as a Lieutenant. She stood up. "Permission to enter," she responded. The man walked in. He was young, clean-cut, and a bit shorter then her. Nothing particular about him stood out except he saluted her upon entry. "I don't believe you're allowed to do that, Lieutenant."

The young man nodded and handed her a set of blank data pads. "Sorry ma'am." She took the hardware from his hands and he quickly spun on his heel and exited.

Shepard glanced down and immediately knew what these were for and who they were from. "Liara," is all she whispered. A month prior her old SR1 comrade asked her a favor: to tell her story for future generations. She wanted to start keeping a record of everyone's life in case the Reapers won. Morbid, they agreed, but a beautiful thought. Shepard felt a warm smile spread throughout her body as she looked at the data pads. They held Liara's signature coding on them: no one would be able to break in. They were for her and Shepard's eyes only.

Without a second thought she walked back to the chair, tossed aside the Alliance pad Hackett provided her, and started the first sentence on the blank page that would represent her life.

'There once was a woman from Earth…'

_'I can fix it later_,' she thought to herself.


	2. Passing the Time: Chapter 2

Note: The first few paragraphs are of Shepard writing on the data pad. I wanted to make it clear just in case there was any confusion.

* * *

'People think they know me, but they really don't. Very few do. I'll be known throughout this cycle's history as Commander Shepard, the first human Spectre. An Alliance Navy soldier who quickly sped through the ranks to become one of the best. She excelled as an N7 operative, the elite of the elite for the Alliance. She stopped a rogue Spectre from destroying the galaxy. She saved many innocent lives. She's a hero.

'Here's the truth: I'm not a hero. I've spent my whole life doing what I thought was right by helping those who can't protect themselves. It's something instilled in all of humanity, to varying degrees. Mine just happens to be at the highest level and I'm compelled to act upon it. I don't revel in being labeled a hero. I don't like being in the spotlight. I just want to help people. Put the bad guys away. Keep people safe so they can go home and enjoy their lives in peace.

'While I sit here on restrictive duty…(Liara remind me to re-write this), I think about how little everyone around here knows the real me. All they have is my file and accomplishments. And some faint memories of me yelling at them to get their butts into gear. Almost everyone seems to think that I like playing hero.

'I don't.

'Because I'm not a hero. I'm a soldier doing my job and keeping good people, aliens, whomever safe.'

Shepard paused for a moment, feeling tense from her words, but she wanted a chance to release that stress from her shoulders. She took a deep breath before continuing.

'My past is something I'll keep short. I'm not fond of it, but it did make me the person that I am now. In a twisted sense, I'm glad that I had a difficult childhood because without it I wouldn't be me. I was born in New York City, New York on Earth. No parents. They abandoned me the moment they left the hospital. I was dropped off at an orphanage with my birth certificate. The only thing I know is that my name is my legal birthright. That's it.

'I was bounced from orphanage to orphanage, going to wherever I would be taken in. I was lucky. I must have spent all of my luck up in my youth and making up for it now. I can't go anywhere these days for 10 minutes without someone or something or some group trying to shoot me. But back then, I always found a way to stay safe. When other kids, other girls, were being taken, killed, monstrous things happening to them, I was able to hide. I trained myself to fight. I stayed locked up in libraries absorbing books whenever I could.

'When I was 16 I found a job with a local police department. It let me pass the time until I was old enough to join the Alliance. I always knew it was my purpose in life to help people and joining the military was the way to go.

'And now for the ego boost portion of this life in review: I was the top of my class. Ranked top in hand to hand combat, marksmanship, even technical skills no one could top me amongst the new recruits. I was immediately accepted in the N7 program, where the best of the best go. And 3 years later I still hold the best scores on every test each member goes though.'

Shepard paused and made another note for Liara to help her with re-writing the entry. She felt her head was expanding faster then it should.

'My history, my records, they're all here; I'm sure that Liara will see to it. But this isn't me. What '_is'_ are the moments in-between and the people that helped me along the way. A commander, a captain, a leader is only as good as his or her crew. Without them, I wouldn't have achieved so much. And with everything that has happened, I hate that I left them again.'

* * *

_3 Hours ACB (After Collector Base)_

The moment Shepard had cut ties with the Illusive Man she called up the team to the communications room and initiated, what her and Tali'Zorah, dubbed "Operation Z," a crude inside joke only the two of them would understand. She knew everyone could handle the decision she was about to make. She pressed a button to open the comm. channels to all sections of the ship.

"Crew members of the Normandy SR2, we did the impossible. And we have all lived to tell the tale. We couldn't…I couldn't have done any of this without every one of you. I needed a team up to the challenge and you all were there to see it through. Thank you for your dedication not just to the cause, but to me.

"What you may not know is that Cerberus, the Illusive Man, wanted me to keep the Collector's Base in tact. They didn't care if any of you lived or died. They wanted to take the base and use its technology."

Shepard paused for a moment, briefly reliving the moment when the Illusive Man popped up on Tali's omni-tool to try and talk her out of destroying the base. She could feel the eyes of the team on her in the comm. room, the Cerberus loyal-members looking concerned, the rest not surprised by his actions.

"You saw what the Collector's were doing to the human colonists. And we've seen what happened to the Protheans. We couldn't allow it to remain. The Illusive Man wanted to use the technology to improve humanity. But we're stronger then that. We're better then that. We would never use tools that have killed countless billions.

"As of this moment, this ship has cut all ties to Cerberus. All reports, all cameras, all bugs, everything has been completely cut off. We are wiping this place clean. Anything with a Cerberus logo is getting booted off this ship."

She flicked her eyes over to Miranda and Jacob, their arms crossed with a bemused look along both of their faces. Tali had already finished typing away on her omni-tool to disable all of the bugs Cerberus had planted on the ship. Feeling in the moment, with a playful smirk Shepard quickly unzipped her fatigues emblazed with the symbol, and tossed her shirt aside, revealing a black form fitting tank top underneath.

"I know some of you want to go back. I won't keep anyone on this ship that does not wish to be here. Our next stop is Illium. Anyone who wants to leave at that point is free to do so. No hard feelings or grudges. Everyone is welcome to stay, on the condition that no one makes any contact with Cerberus."

Shepard dropped her arms to the panel before her, feeling her grasp tighten along the railing.

"A war is coming. We know the Reapers are on their way. Earth, Cerberus…they are not enough to stop them. We need to cooperate with anyone and everyone that crosses our path. We can't do this alone. Cerberus wants to, but we know the power of the Reapers. We all know what they are capable of. Cerberus is alone. And they, the Illusive Man refuse to reach out to others."

She caught the eyes of her squad around the room, each nodding or motioning a respect for her at that moment.

"I know you're all afraid of what's to come. The only way we'll survive is to work together. Whatever you decide, know that I'm very proud to have served with all of you."

Her hand quickly closed the channel. The rest of the moment was a blur. She felt her heart race and her head trying to clear out the noise. She remembers making a promise to Grunt to get him to Tchunka, Thane to the Citadel. Samara would leave on Illium along with Zaeed, Mordin, and Kasumi: their contracts expired but with much respect towards the Commander. Legion to be dropped off at the edge of Geth space, with her N7 armor still attached. All promised to continue helping and sending info back to her of any new contacts, team members, or anything at all that would help them in the future. Miranda, with a smirk, ripped the Cerberus patch off of her jumpsuit and casually tossed it onto the ground. Jacob promised to stay on, along with Jack.

Tali and Garrus, there wasn't a question. They were always at her side. Team Dextro until the end. Everyone began to file out of the room-returning to repairs on the ship, leaving Garrus and Shepard the last ones to exit. With a quick slide, he wrapped an arm around her waist and gently nudged her forehead. She returned the favor with a kiss along the scar on his face. "You know, Doctor Chakwas said I needed to rest. Nearly 4 days of no sleep. Miranda and Mordin concurred." She found herself nuzzling along his cowl as she spoke, finding comfort against his leathery skin.

"I'm still running on adrenaline. Want to help me work it off?" Her voice crooned into his neck, and he responded with a low rumble of approval in his throat.


	3. Passing the Time: Chapter 3

_'Liara is going to hate me so much_.'

Shepard was finding herself caught between memories and moments that notes were running together. One moment she was on the SR1 retelling the story of the Rachni Queen, the next she's being berated by Mordin about her health. She knew she needed to step back and reel in her thoughts. She found herself returning back to the last page where she spoke about her friends, needing them at her side, and erased everything after that paragraph. It was a good place to restart.

'I can only speak about my life through my friends. They are the reason that I'm still alive to even tell these stories. Tali'Zorah vas Neemah, well…vas Normandy. She reminds me so much of myself when I was younger. So inquisitive. Constantly seeking to find answers and willing to weigh all options before making her choices. And she's sometimes brash about her responses. In the time that I've known her I have seen her grown up. She's become an amazing leader among her people. So much to live for and she's still right behind me in my crazy missions. She never doubted me. I first met her on the Citadel, saving her from gunfire, per usual.'

* * *

_1 Week ACB_

"Shepard?"

"Hm?"

"You're spacing out again."

Though she could never see behind the mask, Shepard always knew what Tali's face looked like. She could tell Tali was smiling, possibly smirking. They were both hiding in Engineering. There was a small corridor that wrapped around the Mass Effect core that Tali had found early on when she joined their crew on the SR2. Nothing spacious or up to Cerberus' design standards; just rows of metal tubes and copper wires running along the walls, with a metal grating on the floor. It was a place away from prying eyes and no bugs. Not that Tali couldn't disable them anyway. They sat on the ground, shoulder to shoulder, playing catch-up after recent events.

Ilium was on the radar and just a day away. Only two people of the ship crew expressed interest in leaving, and that was to go home to their families. Shepard knew they would have stayed otherwise. Everyone else was determined. They wanted to be here. They knew she was right.

"Sorry. Just thinking…"

"About?"

"How grateful I am that you all are sticking around. Everyone who is leaving is because of family or their contracts are up. I knew some of them would, but it feels nice to have so many of them still around."

Tali placed a hand on Shepard's shoulder. "They believe in you. We all do."

"Thanks. Sometimes I need to be reminded of that."

"So…"

Shepard turned to Tali. "So…what?"

"Keelah' Shepard. What happened with Garrus?"

Shepard felt her face begin to flush, but tried her best to keep a cool head. She wasn't sure what to say to Tali, or rather how to say it.

"I knew it."

"How?" She looked over at Tali. "Of course you did. You can see everything." A warm smile crawled across her face. "Tali…thank you. I don't think I would have gathered up the nerve if you didn't tell me how he felt."

Tali pushed herself to her knees and leaned over to Shepard, wrapping her arms around her for a hug. "I'm glad. You two deserve…need each other." Shepard patted Tali's arms as they embraced. "How was it?"

Shepard felt the heat come back to her face and playfully pushed Tali away. "Okay. We are not getting into that."

"Oh come on Shepard." Tali was shot with a look of embarrassment coupled with a forceful no. "Isn't this what women do?"

"Sometimes. But I'm private about this stuff."

"Fine, fine. I was thinking I could offer you some tips. You know Quarian and Turian couples are not that uncommon."

"Tali…you haven't done any of that stuff yet. How would you know?"

"Before I left for my Pilgrimage I spent a lot of time researching about other cultures, diseases, anything that I could possibly pick up while I was gone. And a relationship with another species seemed like a possibility, so I studied as much as I could."

"Yeah. That doesn't mean I'm going to tell you what happened."

Tali crossed her arms with a sigh emitting from her voice modulator. "If you don't, I'll ask Garrus."

Shepard let out a scoff. "That I would pay to see." She knew Tali was pouting now, and didn't need to turn and face her to see it.

"Shepard. Indulge me. I'm a woman! I don't get to talk like this to anyone else."

"I'll only say this." She felt Tali stir next to her. "If human women had any clue what it was like to be with a Turian, humanity would be extinct in the next 100 years."

* * *

Another buzz emanated from her door. Another Lieutenant called out. Shepard looked at the alarm clock sitting on a nightstand next to the bed. Just after 1pm Central, Earth time. She didn't realize how swept up she had been in writing her stories. It was a good time waster indeed.

"It's open," she yelled as she passed the pad onto a nearby table to stand and present herself to the next lackey.

A tall, ridiculously over-fit, muscle-bound man entered the room, his left hand cradling a lunch tray, the right offering a salute as he stood at attention. "Commander? Lieutenant James Vega. I've been assigned to be your watch." He dropped his hand and held out the tray.

Shepard walked up to the Lieutenant, her face showing no emotion, but her eyes watching over the young man. She stopped in front of him, arms crossed, giving him the once over.

"Lieutenant. You've got muscles on top of your muscles. Work out enough?"

He instantly broke his composure. "Commander?"

She smiled faintly and grabbed the tray from his hands. "Second one today. I'm pretty sure you shouldn't be calling me that right now."

She could hear the Lieutenant shrug his shoulders through his uniform, fitting him a little too snug because of his size. "Eh, I'm sure they'll overlook the infraction." Shepard slid the tray onto the table alongside the data pads, pulling the chair away from the window and sitting closer to her meal, horseback style as she watched the Lieutenant. He wasn't easily intimidated. Unlike everyone else around her, they left almost immediately from her presence. But he was taking scope of the room, almost tactically checking key points of entry and exits for any potential unwelcomed guests. "Hell of a view."

"Yeah. Not bad for a prison."

"I hear Club Fed is nicer."

"It has a shooting range. I wouldn't mind a transfer, but I'd be giving up the penthouse here."

"And I think we have a better gym." He rolled his shoulders as he allowed his body to sway back and cross his arms.

Shepard tore off a small piece of a roll from her plate and popped it into her mouth. '_Real bread'_, she thought to herself. She missed her home, the comfort of her friends, but food that didn't come from a packet was a nice perk. "So what do I need a watch rotation for? We all know I won't be breaking out."

"Not that you haven't thought about it."

She raised an eyebrow at the Lieutenant. "Someone's been reading my file."

"Hey if this is my duty, then I like to know all of the info up front."

His eyes were now on her, testing her boundaries. "It's not to keep me in, but to keep others out." He flinched and she knew. "If I'm not being shot at every few minutes, it's not my life," she casually spoke while chewing on another piece of the roll.

The Lieutenant was still silent as he watched her. "It's not just the radical groups and fanatics that think I've let their son, daughter, wife, or husband die in a battle, or on the Citadel two plus years ago, now I have other Alliance soldiers that hate me. I have Cerberus on my bad side. Batarains want me dead. Everyone is out to get me, but I'm too valuable to the Alliance." Somehow she found herself in a staring contest with the Lieutenant. He broke quickly with a chuckle, letting his arms fall to his side.

"For not telling you anything, you know everything."

She nodded her response while unwrapping the meat substance congealing on her plate.

"I'll be rotating with another Lieutenant, Marcus Scholl. Shouldn't bother you too much. Think the guys here are all afraid of you."

"But not you."

He laughed. "Nah. I don't scare easily. Besides, this is just a formality. I'm sure you could kick anyone's ass that walked through that door."

"Death wasn't enough to stop me."

"Heh. Right. I heard about that. Story for another time, Commander." He saluted her, absentmindedly forgetting about their introduction and left, the door locking into its red glow behind him.

* * *

It was the first time in years she felt like she had real food. Yes it was military food where the meat and potatoes like to squish together, but it was real none-the-less. Shepard could already feel lunch settling into her system. She'd had to work out more if she would be eating this well.

She still sat in the chair in the same position, thumbing back over her notes on the data pad. She got caught up telling about their first meeting with a Thresher Maw in the Mako. Not that it didn't pale in comparison to Grunt's rite of passage, with a shotgun and a few high powered rifles, but it's hard to overlook a good takedown. The laughter from Wrex emanating from the pit of his stomach as the Thresher Maw collapsed onto the desert floor. Garrus reaching a hand over and patting Shepard's shoulder, one of the only times he would approve of her insane driving skills. Even Ash couldn't help but smile with a quick chuckle. She remembered the glint in Garrus' eyes as he looked at her; genuine respect.

* * *

_2 Weeks ACB _

"It was still my favorite mission."

Shepard was propped up on her elbows with her arms crossed watching him speak, lying on her stomach as she laid across Garrus' chest. Her naked body tangled among the sheets of her bed as the blue light of the fish tank emanated across the room. He was sitting up a bit to adjust for his cowl, but keeping her close. An arm wrapped around her back and gently stroked at her shoulder with a blunted talon. His body always felt warm. She couldn't help but stay in his arms when they were like this. They had been up for hours talking while the rest of the ship was quietly in slumber. Both hoping that eventually the questions would tire, but they were too absorbed into each other to let sleep win.

"Even better than me nuking that Collosus?" She smiled at him.

His brow plates furrowed playfully. "You got to shoot the shiny new gun while the rest of us had to play 'dodge the giant laser beam'." Garrus leaned forward and nuzzled against her forehead. She felt her heart melt every time he did that. He never told her what it meant, but she knew and reveled in it; there were so few moments like this and she wanted to cherish it. "My turn," he began with a low rumble in his chest. "What is your favorite shop on the Citadel, really?"

She chuckled, slipping in a quick peck along his mandible before he moved back to a resting position. "Rodam Expeditions. Best upgrades for our weapons so far. The music was…tolerable."

"Not to mention the discount."

"Very helpful. The few perks of being the first human Spectre." She felt Garrus' hand squeeze her shoulder gently, her face feeling warmer at the gesture. "Favorite song?"

"Starlight. from Fleet and Fortilla. It usually helps clear my head when I need to focus."

"I need to watch that one day."

"Next downtime we will," he responded, moving his hand from her shoulder to her back, still stroking her soft, pale flesh with his talons. "Who… was your first kiss?"

Shepard lifted her head from her arms, cocking an eyebrow at him. "Really Garrus? Three weeks in and we're already going there?"

"You said nothing was off the table." She could feel the unease in his voice. The tension curling into his hands.

"It's not. It's the type of question that we don't talk about until a few months into a relationship." She was gently biting down at her lower lip as she whispered, "But I guess we have two years already," feeling her face flush.

Garrus instinctively wrapped his other arm around Shepard's back and held her tight. He didn't need to say anything. They both knew what they meant. They had cared about each other much longer then either had admitted. They held one other in silence for a few minutes. Letting the moment rest.

"Just checking up on my competition," he mulled.

She let out a laugh, her shoulders shaking from the sensation. "Smooth, Vakarian." He held her gaze with that look, the one he always gave her to let her know that how much he wanted to be with her and she smiled. "Her name was Celestine. Asari. I was 17." And then it faded into confusion. "Before you say anything she kissed me. No it was not consensual, and you'd have to understand who she was to get the meaning behind it." She could sense from his eyes that he needed more info and wouldn't drop it until he got his answers.

"Remember when I talked about my time working for the police in a city on Earth? C…Celestine was the one that recruited me. Her job was to come in and help smaller cities re-work their programs to be more efficient at nailing criminals. She was my partner. At that time I was still at the orphanage, so she offered her apartment to share with me.

"For a year we worked together. Her style was to go in quiet and under cover. She isn't afraid to use sex as a means to an end as long as one more bad guy got what was coming. But she had a rule about no kissing. She could only do that to people that she trusted because it felt like the most intimate action she could convey. As if it was the path to her soul – she was almost religious about it."

Shepard felt Garrus shift uncomfortably under her, his arms loosening their grip and resting along her lower back.

"One night after a large bust, we got back home. She said she was still too wound up and wanted to release some energy. She gave me a look – that look that she wanted something physical. I told her to go out to a club and dance it off, and I locked myself into the bathroom to clean up. When I got out she had taken over my bed, completely naked, and was trying to coax me into joining her. I went back into the bathroom, put my street gear on, and left."

Garrus let out a muffled sound, almost a sign of content as he went back to stroking her back.

"I camped out at the police HQ for nearly a week. I never saw her during that time and just kept my head down at the desk. But I knew I'd have to go back to get a few things. So I did when I thought she wouldn't be there. I unlocked the door and she was right at the door frame, staring me down, but she looked so sad. And before I knew it, her hands grabbed my head and she kissed me. It wasn't even a second when she pulled away, but I knew what it meant to her. She said no one had ever turned her down before and that she would never abuse my trust again. If I ever needed anything from her, she would do it, no questions asked. And that was it. I moved back in until I left for the military."

"Shepard…"

"It's okay Garrus. You wanted to know. It's one of the few good memories of my youth." Shepard pulled herself forward to plant a firm kiss on his lips before burying her head into his neck.

"You have a way with people. They trust you."

"Mmhmm. When you grow up with nothing, trust is sometimes the only thing to go on." She felt his arms wrap around her just a little tighter and she smiled. "Okay. Your turn to be embarrassed. What has been your favorite position so far?"

"In what? C-Sec?"

Shepard tried to stifle her laugh as best as she could. She sat up briefly to whisper close to his face before bunkering back down into his neck. She could feel the heat rising from his chest and making its way up his body. She couldn't contain her laugher any longer.


	4. Passing the Time: Chapter 4

Shepard went through the rest of the day working on the data pad, stopping to exercise and take in the view. She couldn't believe how much she had written down since that morning. Almost her entire experience on the SR1 was recorded.

_'I am going to be bored out of my mind by the end of the week_.'

As dusk was settling in, she couldn't help but watch the sun setting along the horizon. The glimmers of orange, reds, and yellow were sparkling along the tall, metallic buildings. She could feel the warmth of the sun enveloping her as the Earth slowly turned away from it. She waited until it sank into the ground before she tore her eyes away. She wished Garrus was here to see it. For all of the horror she had witnessed in her life, the city she grew up was a festering pile of crap, there were more places like this on Earth that looked amazing. He never heard those stories because she never experienced them. This would be a memory she would have to share.

Somewhere in the middle of the sunset another Lieutenant walked in with her dinner. He also saluted and called her 'Commander.' She nodded her thanks and took the tray from his hands. Her expression was blank, feeling herself already getting into a routine that she didn't like because of her circumstances. She's pretty sure he dropped "bitch" after the door closed, followed by the muffled sounds of that Lieutenant Vega putting him in his place. He seemed like an all right guy.

When night slipped in, the lights along the street and through the towers clicked on. Neon pink, green, and blue advertisements flickered to life along the buildings. The city was still bustling as people went about their evening without care. Shepard wondered what it felt like to be one of them. To be normal.

Shepard looked at the plated food that resembled salad, but pretty sure that it got mixed in with mashed potatoes, just as military food should. She left it and walked to the bathroom, stripping off her new Alliance attire and taking comfort in being able to bathe on a regular basis. Steam filled the room as the hot water poured against her skin. She ran her hands through her hair, feeling the tangles loosen against the water and soap. Her mind quickly flashed to the last time she was in the shower, and no longer was her face flushed because of the heat of the water. '_Damn you Garrus. You've corrupted me.'_

With the window curtains still open, Shepard opted to dress in the bathroom with the fatigues the Alliance provided. She walked through the door, running a towel through her hair and continued to watch the lights of the city. This was too ritzy to be a punishment. Good thing she was just temporarily relieved of active duty.

Shepard plopped back down on the chair she had sequestered herself in for most of the day. A lamp stand near her illuminated as she crossed into its boundaries. She began picking at the lettuce leafs from her mushed dinner and started a second data pad. There was still so much to tell about their first mission to stop Saren, beyond what was reported in the news. But it didn't feel right to convey every detail, nuance, and conversation, or at least the ones she remembered. She ended her last piece at the day she departed the Citadel to look for some missing ships that the Council felt were linked to Geth activity. She couldn't go past that. The memory of the Normandy being destroyed was still too much for her to live. There are still nightmares and times where she wakes up gasping for air. She only wrote one sentence for that entry to appease Liara:

'Death is something everyone will experience at least once…and I'm trying my best to not fear the day when I have to experience it again.'

She quickly resumed to the moment that she woke up on the Cerberus station, running, gunning, and back to her old ways. It still feels strange to her that 2 years had passed. Now it had been 2 years and a few months, but Shepard knew she was out of place and didn't belong. She died and was forced back against her will only to be asked to possibly die again. It's easy to die when you have nothing to live for. But her friends gave her hope. Shepard shook her head slightly to try and stop herself from getting too emotional. Back to business and the basics of what happened after she "woke up."

* * *

_3 Weeks ACB_

Shepard sat in the mess alone, her fingers running the ridge of her coffee mug while she looked over a stack of data pads about the Reapers. All of the information EDI had collected since the start of their journey, now lay in front of her. She hoped to find some sort of weakness, something to give them an edge in the upcoming battles.

The ship had gone a little quiet since some of the team had left. The crew level in particular had housed 6 of her ground team, and now they were down to 2. Thane requested to depart at Ilium with the others, not wanting to put the Normandy through more stress than needed with a trip to the Citadel. They all had an uneasy feeling that, in light of recent events, there were a few more people that placed Shepard on their personal "kill" list. It was best to lay low and out of reach.

Shepard remembers the feeling of Thane's hand on hers as they shook and said their goodbyes. He took his other hand and brushed it against her face, offering a prayer to his gods and goddesses, calling her a warrior angel. She smiled, gave him a kiss on his exposed cheek, called it "for luck" and wished him well. In another life, another time, different circumstances, she could see the appeal for Thane. But he was too cool for his own damn good and they both knew it.

Legion had requested to be dropped off the first planet they could find. It…not he, also understood the need for the Normandy to stay in hiding and could find a way back to his people. Samara unbound herself from Shepard's services, with a surprising reluctance. Zaeed, Kasumi, Mordin, it all just got a little too quiet on this ship now, even for her liking.

Gardner and Jacob interrupted her straying thoughts as the lights in the mess hell began to flicker with their footsteps. Shepard checked her omni-tool. 0549. "EDI, can you confirm the time please?"

"0600 Commander."

Shepard quickly updated the clock on her equipment, rolled her shoulders and leaned back into the chair. "Thanks."

Gardner gave a nod to the Commander and was already working on another pot of coffee. Jacob took a seat across the table, eyeing the pile of pads sitting in the way.

"So, what's the damage?"

"Five hours and still nothing. I've been hoping for a pattern. Something. The Protheans seemed to have been the only ones to have made a dent against the Reapers, but even our knowledge is limited." She had sent the info to Liara and hoped the new Shadow Broker's skills would come in handy, but wanted to give it a shot as well.

"When do you sleep Commander?"

She looked up from the content in front of her. This was the first time she could see Jacob's soldier exterior disrupted and he seemed concerned. She smiled back politely.

"I had 2 years of sleep. I'm just making up for the lost time." He scoffed. But this was the first time she felt comfortable enough to joke about her death. It had taken a lot to overcome how much had been left behind during that time. She was able to get some of it back and could move forward. "Actually, Jacob. If you don't mind, I had a few questions I wanted to ask you and Miranda about the whole…process."

"Huh. Not really breakfast talk," he responded as he crossed his arms. "And I don't think Miranda will be up for a few, but sure."

Shepard grabbed her coffee mug to take back to the tiny kitchen for another round.

"She'll be out in 5. 6:15 on the dot every morning she walks out with a cup of tea in her hands. A white cup with purple flowers. Earl Grey. Lemon. No sugar. No cream. Doesn't care for sweet things." She poured herself another cup and nodding her thanks to Gardner.

"How do you manage to keep all of that info in your head?"

Shepard slipped back into her chair, holding her coffee mug with both hands. "I'm a treasure trove of useless information," she responded as she lifted the cup to her lips to sip her morning nutrients. She closed her eyes to relish the moment of content before the day began. It must have been longer then usual. Before she knew it, Garrus was already at her side, his morning dextro-paste of who-knows-what on his tray. She settled her mug back onto the table as he took one of his hands and wrapped it around hers. "Morning," she spoke, a smile in her voice as she looked at their hands.

"Morning," he responded with a squeeze at their grip.

"Jacob, you can keep cocking that eyebrow, but it won't change anything," Shepard mused from under her breath, never breaking contact with her hand.

"Hah. And still the Commander aims to impress."

"It's why she's Shepard. The best of the best." Miranda's heels began clicking against the floor as she exited her office. A white tea cup with a painted purple rose on one side settled neatly in her hands as she strode into the mess.

"6:15 and…" Shepard quickly craned her head to her omni-tool, "45 seconds." She returned her free hand to her coffee mug. "You're slipping Miranda."

"I'll have to work on that, Commander." Miranda smiled as she settled in next to Jacob at the table. It was more relaxed and natural compared to her cold exterior. Even Garrus could see it, greeting her with a polite mention of her name as he began to eat. His hand still holding Shepard's as they pushed off and under the table. "So what's the noise this morning?" Miranda asked as she gently motioned her head to Jacob.

"I wanted to know more about the Lazarus Project," Shepard responded as she took another sip of her coffee. Miranda's shoulders tensed as she rested her tea cup onto the table. "We haven't had a chance to discuss it. Now seems as good of a time as any."

"Commander, like we told you before, you are you," Miranda responded with an earnest tone in her voice.

"I know. It took me a while to realize and understand. This is the real me and not a high-tech VI or AI." Shepard put her mug back to the table, squeezing her hand against Garrus' while giving him a quick glance and a smile. "But I want to know the details."

They were all silent for the moment. Even Gardner had wandered away at some point, so the air sat still. Jacob was the first to speak. "Like, why we signed up in the first place?"

"And who came up with the project. A good place to start," Shepard responded.

The conversation began from there. Shepard would ask a question. Jacob and Miranda would do their best to explain and respond, though Jacob was constantly shifting in his seat from the details of the operating room. He only came into the picture during her last month or so on the table acting as a body guard. Miranda walked Shepard through almost everything. Well except how she was found and got into Cerberus' possession. They learned those details through Liara. Miranda wasn't just the head of the project, it was her idea. She understood the principles and the logic of it, but didn't have the money or technology to back it up. A specialized team of scientists with Cerberus came in and got to work on the tech and implants. Miranda made it her mission to get everything to work. She didn't trust anyone else in the operating room but herself. Every piece, every strand, every fiber was added by her and only her.

Shepard felt a whole new respect for this woman. Miranda didn't know anything about Shepard other then information contained in her military file. There was no connection to be made. It still seemed silly that they would spend 4 billion plus credits to bring her back from the dead.

"My memories," Shepard began while finishing up the last bit of coffee in her cup. "Were you concerned about them because of the way I died?"

"Partially." Miranda could read the obvious confusion on Garrus' face as he scooted himself closer to Shepard. "Asphyxiation typically causes the brain to shut down much faster than other forms of death. It was very possible that Shepard suffered extensive brain damage. But it was also to make sure the technology wasn't interfering with your brain patterns. A slim possibility, but we had to cover all of our bases."

A buzz crackled on Shepard's omni-tool. 0645. The rest of the crew would be up and moving soon. She was about to get up from her seat, thank them for their time, but pulled the seat closer to the table.

"Last question. Miranda, you dodged this earlier." Shepard looked into Miranda's eyes, feeling her own stare soften. "Why did you do this? Why did you sign up? You knew nothing about me and yet you poured your life into this."

Miranda looked down at the table as she began to fidget with the tea cup. Silent for a moment.

"Midnor."

Shepard's brain quickly attempted to flash back to that planet. She was there once when she was barely out of boot camp. She remembered their mission was to secure any remaining colonists and Alliance materials. They were hit hard by Batarian slavers. What they didn't realize at the time was that their ship was the first to respond and the Batarians were still in the middle of their 'extraction.'

"Cerberus was watching you even back then. I was there, pinned down by the Batarians." Miranda swallowed hard, looking as though she were making a confession that she could barely comprehend. "Still too Green to have been out on my own. I was on my last thermal clip and my biotics completely drained. Your team arrived and you immediately took charge. I could see it in your eyes and body language that you weren't there to kill the Batarins. You were going against your commanding officer's orders to save those people instead of securing supplies. And you came out more than a hero. All of those colonists saved. Most of the Batarians were still alive, but in restraints so they would be tried for their crimes.

"But what I remember most is after all of the fighting ended, you were the only one to go to each home to make sure everyone was okay. No other solder did that; fought like you and be compassionate at the same time."

Miranda pulled her hands to her neck and gently scratched it, a nervous tic Shepard found when she was letting down her guard.

"There was one building you jumped into. It was disheveled and looked like it could collapse at any moment. You came out a minute later holding a young girl with a yellow dress in your arms and then spent damn near half an hour trying to find her parents."

Shepard nodded her head. "She reminded me of someone I knew once…" Her voice felt strong, but she could sense the weld of pain creeping into her throat. Instantly Garrus wrapped an arm around her shoulders and pulled her close, feeling the warmth of his body against hers.

"It was Oriana." Shepard knew her eyes had widened. "Why else would I have been there? I heard on the Cerberus backchannels about the raid and dropped everything to get to her. But you handled it. I could have stayed in the shadows, kept my identity a secret, and not risk running into my father. And you did all of that without care about the repercussions from your commanding officer and the Alliance. You had nothing to gain; you did it because that is what you soul compels you to do.

"Lazarus was a way for me to repay you. And then you helped me with Ori again. I feel I'll constantly be in your debt, Commander." Miranda spoke the whole time with her eyes focused on the tea cup in front of her. Her pride didn't want to show weakness to anyone.

Shepard wrestled herself from Garrus' grasp and placed a hand on top of Miranda's. "Thank you." She spoke it softly with a smile in her eyes. It was the first time she had said it for being brought back to life.

Another moment of silence passed. Shepard pushed her chair back, taking the stack of data pads and the empty coffee cup with her. Garrus follow with his empty try and a nod to Jacob. He and Miranda were now alone in the mess hall, as the clock slowly ticked to 0700.

"Miranda…," Jacob began but didn't know where to go with his words. He wanted to comfort her, but knew she would brush it off.

"It's okay Jacob. I feel surprisingly better." The tension in her shoulders eased as she leaned back in her chair and stared at the ceiling. The buzz of the door for the crew's quarters emanated throughout the mess hall as shift change began.


	5. Passing the Time: Chapter 5

Note: A bit of a long chapter, but it felt odd breaking it apart. Sexy femShep/Garrus times to ensue! Nothing overkill, but here's the warning.

* * *

_Breathe._

_Breathe. Damn you. You have to breathe._

Shepard bolted up from the bed gasping. The curtains were drawn to shut out the lights from the city, minus a sliver in the cracks where the fabric was too short to completely cover the windows. She brought a hand to her throat as she felt her heart racing in her chest.

_'Calm down Shepard. It's all in the past. Breathe.'_

She tried her best to mimic some of the breathing techniques Samara and Thane had taught her to control herself. She had relived the moment that she died, again. It still felt painful. Not being able to breathe, the burning sensation in her lungs, the pressure against her head, it all came rushing in at once. The last time she had that dream was months ago. Before Garrus became her permanent bunk-mate. The dreams, the nightmares, even the rare flare-up of the visions from the Prothean Beacons disappeared when he was there, holding her in his arms. He was the perfect bedtime stuffed animal. He kept the monsters away.

Shepard pulled herself out of bed knowing she wouldn't be able to go back to sleep, and walked to the makeshift kitchen in her room. She was incredibly grateful the Alliance supplied her with a coffee machine, and she was abusing it. 4 days in and she had to request another bag of coffee that should have lasted 12 days for one person. But then again, she wasn't anyone normal.

She watched the coffee pot as it brewed, already learning from experience that sometimes the grounds would clump to one side and not distribute the flow of water properly. She needed to stand there for a moment to make sure it brewed, else she had to fix it after it made a giant mess. Her shoulders tensed as she bent against the countertop. Her muscles looked more defined then she had remembered. Probably because she was working out much more to stay occuipied, but at the cost of her flexibility. What she wouldn't give to have access to a balance beam.

Shepard walked to the bathroom to get dressed in the military uniform while the last bits of coffee dripped from the machine. Even with the windows closed she felt too exposed out there and opted to change in private. She stepped out to the smell of the dark brew filling her nostrils and poured herself a cup.

Somewhere between there and the chair at the window, she had already felt the boredom seeping into her system. She placed the coffee mug on the table and walked to the door, flipping open the 2-way intercom the lead to the outside world.

"Lieutenant Vega."

"Commander." He responded a little too fast. Shepard mused on the thought that he may have been equally as bored as her.

"Any regulations against acting as a bodyguard while in the same room with me?" She worded it poorly but hoped he would grasp the meaning.

"No ma'am."

She unlocked the front door to allow him to enter as she moved to the windows and rolled back the covers. It was still dark outside, with the sun barely peaking over the hills. The lights in the room began to turn on as she walked.

The door clicked open. "Everything okay, Commander?" the Lieutenant saluted her, with a glint in his eyes knowing full well that he shouldn't be doing that.

"Yeah," she responded as she picked up her coffee. "Bored as all hell and can't sleep."

He still stood at attention and tilted his head slightly. "So…?"

She took a sip from the cup and cradled it in her hands. "So, if you're not going to get in trouble, keep the door open and let's talk."

He shrugged his shoulders. "Sure. No offense Commander but this is the lousiest job I've ever had."

Shepard had to bite back a laugh as she sat down. "None taken. This is the part of N7 training they never tell you about."

"Resting?"

"Being the scapegoat." She took another sip of her coffee. "They walk you through just about everything. The action and intensity of the missions are aspects they drill into your head. But when it all ends, they don't tell you what to do or how to handle it."

"Makes sense."

"I've been working out constantly. In four days I can already feel my arms forming more muscles. I didn't think that was possible."

The Lieutenant folded his arms across his chest. "But you have to admit, it's a good way to kill time."

"For now. Give me another month and I'll probably look like you."

It was his turn to laugh. "Yeah, that'd I'd like to see."

"So how did you end up with this crap position?"

"Eh I'm in-between. I was promoted last week. I was supposed to head to Guadalupe, but the paperwork has been limbo since the status upgrade. But I got the info last night that I'll be heading to Baltimore for training in 2 days."

"Congrats soldier. I won't have anyone to talk to now."

"Well you still have…well there is… Okay yeah. I'm leaving you in a bind. Apologies, Commander."

She smiled from behind her coffee cup. "None needed. That's the life of an Alliance soldier. I wonder if I can make suggestions for a replacement. Or at least ask for a day pass to get the hell out of this room."

"Commander, if I can speak freely," he began. She responded with a look indicating that he had been this whole time. "I know you feel like you're stuck here and a lot of people are against you. And there are a few, but you'd be surprised how many of the men and women here look up to you. Respect you."

She put down her coffee mug on the table. Shepard already knew the speech too well. '_They like you. They think you're great. But you're still stuck here so make the best of it_!' The Lieutenant seemed a nice enough guy, so she'd let him have his moment and she'd play along.

"What's happening to you now is bullshit."

Shepard was pretty sure she felt her face turn into a giant question mark at that moment.

"A lot of us see it, but we're all stuck on how to fix it because of regulations and whatever. Hell I'm pissed that the Council, the one's you saved, aren't even willing to stick their necks and gills out for you."

Shepard leaned back into her chair, crossing her arms as she continued to watch the Lieutenant.

"I guess what I'm saying is keep fighting and making noise. That's how you work. And we'll do the same."

They were silent for a moment. Shepard moved to grab her coffee cup and downed a large gulp. "Now I'm really going to miss the company." The Lieutenant laughed. "Thanks. Whatever contacts and info you have, spread the word. People need to know and prepare for The Reapers. And The Alliance is not going to keep me quiet by locking me in here."

* * *

_ 6 Weeks ACB_

It was unavoidable. They had to make a stop at The Citadel for supplies. Ilium traders had recently been hit by a run of sky pirates and Omega was holding onto its goods for the time being. They were low on basic necessities. With reluctance, they had to go.

She ran a list through Joker and EDI for any additional supplies, along with Gardner and Doctor Chakwas. She had already requisitioned Garrus, of course, Tali, and Jacob to help pull the load. Get in. Get out. No fuss. She didn't want to give Cerberus any chance to attack. Even on the Citadel, where they were least welcomed, there was always an opportunity. And she was concerned that the Alliance would bench her for a few days because of her partnership with them. Shepard had sent a few messages to Councilor Anderson and Admiral Hackett to try and clean up the mess. She presented them with overwhelming evidence on what she had been doing, saving colonies, stopping the bad guys, removing the Collector's from existence. Those seemed like pretty noble causes for an N7 agent to go sort-of, but not really all the way rogue. She even convinced Miranda to let go of a few files to prove that she had been dead for over 2 years and was brought back to life, thus explaining her absence.

Her elbows sank into the desk in her cabin. She ran her fingers through her hair, feeling the fuss from a long day of running around, exercising, being Commander, and no rest. She was wearing the clothing from the day she had liberated herself from Cerberus; a fitted black tank top and dark grey cargo pants. There wasn't a chance to stop and really replace them. She just hoped that everything she has been sending back would be enough. They need to believe her. They have to believe her this time.

The whoosh noise of her cabin door didn't distract her. She could feel his presence the moment his feet crossed the threshold. Her hands continued to run through her hair and down to her shoulders, trying her best to relax them.

"Everything okay?"

"Mmmm." It was a haphazard response. She was feeling more stress than usual. A pinch in her right shoulder, the one she favored, and she winced in pain. Garrus was already standing behind her, his ungloved hands gently pushing hers aside as they pressed into her shoulders. Instantly she felt relief. The tips of his fingers working into the knot of her shoulder that it almost melted away from his touch. "When…did you get so good…with your hands?" She was using every ounce of will power to concentrate on forming a coherent sentence. She wanted to collapse on the desk right there to let him work his magic.

Garrus bent down to whisper, almost in a purr, to her ear. "You act like it's a surprise."

Her face instantly flushed. She'll get him to blush one day. Just once…that's all she needed.

"Has the Alliance responded yet?" He eased his grip so should could attempt to form a reply.

Shepard shook her head. "No answer means their official response is 'we're in review.' But something is not right. We have the evidence. I'm practically burying them in it, and they are not giving me anything."

Garrus began to move his left hand to the back of Shepard's neck, running his talons softly up and down, causing her skin to tingle and goose bumps to rise. His right was still digging into her shoulder. She moaned softly at his touch.

"They'll get there. We'll just keep at it until they start to listen."

"I know...we will." She rolled her neck to push against his hand, allowing it to curl up into her hair. "Just rather…it were sooner…then…later."

She heard him chuckle, that comforting sound, low and subtle that was only for her. He never did that for anyone else. "Having trouble concentrating?"

"Just a bit," she retorted. In a smooth glide she felt his hand move from her shoulder and down to the front of her chest. His talons almost expertly slid along the inside of her shirt, over the top of her bra and along her breasts. She tensed and released in a sigh that she could barely recognize as her own.

"I can stop if you want." Damn his playful voice.

Shepard closed her eyes and forced herself to make a full sentence without any pauses. "You do and you lose a finger."

Again he chuckled and again she felt the heat caressing her body. She was always at his mercy with his touch. It drove her crazy, in a good way, and he knew it. His fingers traced along the fabric of her bra, already toying with her nipples as they protruded from his touch. He gently squeezed one, and it sent a spark down her body. It was tensing and relaxing, flooding her with desire.

Shepard leaned her body back against the chair, pulled her arms overhead and around Garrus' neck to bring him down. Their foreheads touching at an awkward angle, but the meaning not lost. She slid a hand up his neck and pressed her thumb against the base of his fringe, eliciting a muffled groan from him. "You know," she began in a deep, breathy voice. "A shower might help me relax a little more. Ease the tension in my shoulder."

Garrus leaned forward and pressed his mouth plates gently against her lips. "If it'll help…but that does mean I have to stop."

She smiled. "Or so you think." Shepard slid her head forward, untangling her arms around his neck and slowly stood from her chair all the while keeping his hands on her. She quickly pulled off the tanktop and took a step backwards to fall into his touch. "Keep massaging, Vakarian," she teased. He was more then happy to respond by running his hand over her right breast and caressing it. Her breath hitched as her hands made their way to his waist, running her fingers between the armor and kneading them in. He groaned as he allowed his hand from her neck drop down to her side, gently grazing his talons along her stomach. This time she giggled as she spun from his grasp towards the bathroom door and gave him a playful wink. She slid her thumbs down the sides of her pants and began to slowly, agonizingly so, slip out of them. "Better keep up." Shepard gently stepped out of the heap of clothing now on the floor, her pale skin reflecting against the lights of the fish tank. She turned around and chasséd with her hips to the bathroom door. She flicked on the shower and steam almost instantly billowed out. The lights glowed behind her giving her a regal look.

Shepard leaned up against the door frame, arching her back slightly while her left arm was raised and clutching the opposite side. She bit her bottom lip to quelch the giggles bubbling in her stomach. Garrus was about as slacked jawed as a Turian could look. His hands were at his sides, mandibles loose and his mouth agape. His eyes looked like they were just staring into an endless void. "Garrus," she whispered. "Don't overthink."

That snapped him out of it.

He grinned that evil smile of his and began to unhook the clasps of his armor along his arms, then his chest, then his legs. Garrus was always cautious about his armor. He never wanted to damage it and was meticulous about its removal. It was too slow for Shepard right now. She dropped her hand and leaned into the door frame, bringing them up to cup her breasts. She closed her eyes and turned her head away, groping at them above the black lacy fabric that kept them in place. A sigh escaped her lips as her body responded to her touch. Something heavy thunked on the floor. Shepard didn't turn to see it, but knew Garrus was back to staring. She danced a hand down to her waist-line and slinked a thumb along the edge of her panties. "Better hurry if you want to play."

Again she stifled a laugh hearing him starting to rush through his armor seals. Shepard quickly lifted up the hand from her waist and unhooked her bra from behind. She casually tossed it aside and went back to fondling herself. A nipple peaked as a nail grazed it. She rubbed it against her fingers, eliciting a moan. The rustling from Garrus stopped again. She traced her other hand back down to her panties, this time opening her eyes and turning her head to look at him. He still had on most of his armor. He barely managed to get his chest plate off as the back seals were still haphazardly attached. Her fingers played along the waistline again, crawling down. His face showed he was mesmerized by her; too distracted to keep continuing his proper protocol. Shepard's eyes smoldered with a look of want, no, need for him. She bit her lower lip and sank her hand down into her wet folds. The moan that left her lips was full of lust.

Garrus carelessly unhooked the rest of his armor, nearly catching his boots on one of his spurs. But he never took his eyes off of Shepard. There she was this warrior angel bathed by the white light, begging for him by pleasuring herself. As he finally finished removing his boots, Shepard quickly slipped out of her panties and kicked them aside. With fire in her eyes, she stepped back into the billow of the steamy shower while he unzipped and removed himself from his under suit. Tugging off the last bit, she moaned again.

He was on her in a flash.

Garrus wrapped his hands under her thighs and hoisted her up. Her legs found a spot along his hips as she wrapped her arms behind his neck. He pushed her into the wall, to which she hummed her appreciation. He settled his neck along her collar bone and began to lap at it with his tongue. It's rough texture pushing goose bumps along her skin. His member throbbed against her inner thigh, plates shifted and fully erect by the time he finished undressing. Shepard ran a hand along his fringe, massaging them as the water beaded against his skin before absorbing it in. The heat of her hands against his neck and head were driving him crazy. One slow roll of her hips against his pelvis was all the notice that he needed. He dropped a hand from her thigh briefly to position himself and sheathed into her sex.

The sounds that came from her were nothing that he could describe, but it was distinctly her and he was the only one that could make that happen.

Garrus return his hand back to her thigh and held himself there as she shifted forward, deeper, taking him in as far as he could go. She was so tight and willing to take all of him. The feeling of her energy pooling around him with the heat of the shower were enough to overcome his senses. But he would take his time. He wanted this to last.

With a nuzzle Garrus gently pumped forward into her. He never withdrew completely, and only forcefully entered when he missed the noises Shepard made. It happened to be more often then expected. She crooned into his neck and whispered his name over and over again as the water pounded on top of their bodies. He moved his head up to look at her face. Garrus slid his fingers across her delicate form to move strands of her wet hair out of her eyes. He wanted to see her looking back at him without distractions. He pressed his forehead against hers as best as he could.

Whatever their relationship is, whatever it was, right now he was making love to her. And it was the most exciting thing he could remember doing in his lifetime.

Shepard gently coaxed her hips to press down harder against him. She wanted to feel that release, and seeing the intensity in his eyes, she knew he wanted to keep going until they were incapable of doing anything else. He intensified his thrusts, but still maintained the same speed, digging into her deeply but with a tenderness that kept them from boiling over. A few jolts later and her back arched, her thighs shook slightly as her core tightened around him. Her body released it's energy while he continued to propel himself into her. She whimpered, moaning heavily into his mouth as she pushed forward for a kiss.

"Don't stop," she said.

"Keep going even when you…" She smiled as her forehead rested back against his.

With an exhilarating moan he was right behind her. The clenching and her moisture always did it in for him. And he didn't stop. Shepard helped him to keep his rhythm by bucking her hips down, encapsulating more moans deadened by the roaring of the shower head.

They lost count on how many times they experienced that pleasure between the moans, the growls, the pellets of water. But they maintained the same gaze through the entire course. Garrus admitted defeat when he turned off the water and eased himself out of her. Shepard was unsteady and kept herself propped up against the bathroom wall and his grasp as he lowered her down to the floor. She tugged at his neck to bring him down for a kiss, licking along his mouth plates before pressing her lips to his.

"This...is my favorite position."

* * *

"Shepard, I hate to do this, but politics are overruling our authority."

She stood with a defiant look in her eyes. Her arms crossed and her hip cocked in her default pose. Garrus and Tali flanked her sides with Jacob behind them. They had just exited the Normandy, finally reaching the Citadel. They came in cautiously, completely armed and armored up. It was only a matter of time before they would be stopped and she knew it was coming.

Admiral Hackett stood in front of the team on the landing pad, dressed in his uniform and cap with a stoic face that never broke no matter the circumstances. He was truly one man that was difficult, if not impossible to read. A full squad of Alliance soldiers, at least 20 deep, were covering him. Another 10 filing in from behind, effectively boxing Shepard in. They all knew that their recent actions with Cerberus would be questioned, and had hoped all of the data sent back to the Alliance would have been enough to absolve her of any potential wrong-doing.

"Shepard, I'm placing you under arrest for the destruction of the Alpha Relay."

Her right eyebrow twitched. That was not the response she was expecting.

"You will be placed on administrative leave effective immediately. Your rank and position in the Alliance has been suspended. The Normandy will be detained and your crew will be expected to cooperate while their custody. Any resistance and we will be required to use force."

Somewhere in his words, Shepard's arms dropped to their side. She could hear her squad mates uttering their disbelief, but it all became muddled in her head. She found her hardened exterior start to crack, ever so slightly, as she breathed out "What?" almost as a whisper.

"Shepard?" Hackett responded.

She shook her head to try and clear the cobwebs starting to form. "What happened?" her brows began to furrow and concern grew across her face.

"Four days ago I sent you a request to pick up a soldier to try and get back into the Alliance's good graces. I won't get into the details because it was classified, but you responded that you handled the situation at the cost of the relay. Based on the options…"

"Wait." Shepard's face grew back to its stone façade. "I accepted a mission from you? I haven't received any contact back from you or Councilor Anderson in the past three weeks that I have been uploading data about the Reapers." She could hear the tension rising from her companions, the low guttural growl from Garrus ringing in her ears. She raised her right hand ever so slightly, and they backed off.

"That's…concerning." Hackett crossed his arms, cradling one elbow with a hand nestled under his chin. "We stopped receiving your transmissions about the same time we issued the orders."

"Cerberus…" Jacob murmured in the back.

"You had no idea about Dr. Kenson? The relay was destroyed to stop the Reapers from getting a jump on us."

"But that system…we've never been there," Jacob piped in. "Our focus was on the Collector's and the human colonies. We wouldn't have a reason to go to the Batarians."

"And if they did their research, the Normandy's heat signatures wouldn't be in the area," Tali began, but caught herself when she saw how steady Hackett held his pose. "But I guess that means you already checked."

"How many died?" Shepard kept her gaze on Hackett, but was chewing on her bottom lip ever so slightly.

"At least three hundred thousand."

Again her gaze broke for a moment. Tali gasped in the background.

"Admiral…I know the Reapers are a threat, but I would never put so many lives at stake." She felt her soul pleading for her life. Even under the hardened exterior, Hackett understood and believed her, but this was a battle should we fail.

"I know. But evidence is proving otherwise."

Shepard could unconsciously feel her hand going to her pistol at her thigh. Garrus for his rifle, Tali for her shotgun, Jacob at his pistol. They all moved and flowed like a team should, but in a subtle manner to gain the upper-hand.

"The Batarains want blood," Hackett continued. "We have to appease them for now in order to avoid a war. And we both know that we need everyone working together to stop the Reapers."

Shepard clicked of the safety as quietly as she could.

"How long would it be?"

Her hand grazed the holster.

"12 months minimum."

As if it were a choreographed dance, Shepard rolled her pistol out with her right hand, her left smacking her omni-tool to place up a personal barrier, while sliding her assault rifle from its chassis off her back, aiming it squarely at the Alliance squad behind her. Garrus rolled his shoulders to equip his assault rifle, stepping back to press against Shepard's side. Tali unhooked her shotgun and punched out her assault droid from her omni-tool, with a crouch to slink behind Shepard. Jacob pressed up his hands around the team to form a biotic barrier before parleying his pistol in his off-hand.

Shepard still looked squarely at Hackett's eyes in the moment this all happened, before any of the soldiers could react. The team of 4 could easily have knocked out half of the squad before their guns were drawn. "Not happening."

"Shepard, we…"

"No." Her voice became low, almost bellowing from the pit of her stomach to a growl. "We'll never win against the Reapers if you take us out of the game."

"What do you plan to do?"

"Compromise."

Hackett's brows raised in a look Shepard had never seen before.

"You know you're outnumbered," she continued. A noise emanated behind Hackett, much like a grunt or a humph sound from a soldier.

"And you know that when you leave here the Alliance will be sending fleets after you," he responded. "Making us both look bad." Shepard's gaze didn't flinch.

"My counter offer," Shepard began without any hesitation; her pistol still trained dead center on Hackett's left shoulder where it would shoot clean through with no permanent damage. "I'll surrender myself and the Normandy and take full responsibility for the charges until I'm proven innocent." She could hear Garrus whisper her name ever so softly under his breath without breaking his concentration. "In return, you allow my crew to walk. Any current or former Alliance members get a full pardon."

"Commander, this isn't going to work. We need you."

"Taylor, your opinion is noted." Shepard still maintained her focus on Hackett, refusing to break her determined look. "My crew will be allowed 3 hours to disembark. No disruptions. No searching as they leave. They go without a single word."

Barely a few seconds passed for his decision to be made. Hackett dropped his arms to sit squarely behind his back in his military stance. "Deal. Men, stand down."

Shepard lowered her weapons back to their holsters and signaled with her hand for the rest of the team to do the same. She could feel their hesitation, but they complied as Hackett began to walk towards her with two soldiers flanking him. Jacob kept his biotic barrier up; partially as a reflex but also distrust with his past Alliance experiences.

"Thank you, Shepard."

"It'd be counter-productive to have us fighting when we could have people out helping convince others to join our cause." She was still focused on Hackett, but her words were meant for her team.

"I'll need to keep at least two men posted outside for appearances, and of course the Normandy has been locked down."

"Of course."

"Hopefully this will speed up the process with your willingness for a peaceful resolution."

Shepard responded by crossing her arms.

"I know you don't like this. None of us do, but we can't give up any potential allies. If this will shut the Batarians up then…"

"I'll be the sacrificial lamb." Her response was cold, but honest. She stuck with Commander-mode, not allowing anyone to intimidate her.

"Three hours, Shepard." Hackett nodded, and motioned for the 30 soldiers to be dismissed. As he walked out of the landing pad, he left the two men flanking him at the door. She refused to break her stance or stare until those doors closed and Hackett was no longer in sight. Jacob powered down his biotics and heaved a heavy sigh.

"This is insane." Garrus stepped in front of her, his hands on her shoulders; not a touch of anger or hate, but comfort.

"We can't let them do this. We need you Shepard," Tali nearly cried out from under her mask.

"Tali…this is the best option right now." Shepard's shoulders slumped ever so slightly as she turned her head to look at the Quarian. "We can't run from the Alliance if we expect to receive any help." She turned her attention back to Garrus, his eyes boring into hers with sadness. "As great as we are, we can't do this alone." She raised her arms to place her hands on top of Garrus', giving them a light squeeze before removing herself from his grasp.

Shepard turned to face Tali and Jacob. "I need to know you all are safe. I need to know that you all will keep fighting, causing trouble, doing whatever is necessary to get people to listen. If we're all locked up, what good does it do? We know what's coming and we have to prepare."

It seemed so simple and logical, but it was the right thing to do. Jacob nodded. "I'll start informing the crew. We should probably scrounge up whatever loose pieces we can so the Alliance doesn't have any reason to keep you incarcerated longer then needed." He gave the salute that he always provided her, and walked briskly backed to the ship.

Tali held back for a moment, her face turned to the floor. "Shepard…I…"

Shepard placed a hand on Tali's shoulder. "It's okay. I know if a firefight broke out you would have my back." She patted gently before removing her hand. As Tali turned to leave Shepard watched after her. She didn't want to look back at Garrus, knowing full well the look on his face would tug at her heart.

"Come on," he whispered in a commanding tone. A hand on her back to help ease her forward. She didn't resist. She could sense it in his touch that he was crushed.

* * *

Without a glance at anyone on the crew, she sped to the communication hub and opened the channel to the ship. She made her speech, similar to the one that she said to Jacob and Tali not but a moment ago.

"Keep fighting. Don't stop talking about the Reapers. They're coming. We all know it and we have all seen it. Keep making noise until someone listens. Any and every piece of information you can gather, forward it to Operative Lawson. She'll be sure it goes through the right channels."

She paused for a moment, letting herself catch her breath to ensure her voice didn't crack.

"Thank you for all of your hard work."

The next 2 and a half hours were filled with people rushing to clear out of the ship. Shepard stood watch at her perch above the galaxy map in the CIC. Arms crossed. Eyes never wavering. She accepted her fate.

Crew members saluted her as they walked off the ship, which she returned with a nod to each one. But she stood there watching the helm in silence. The Yeoman, Kelly Chambers, tried to lighten the mood, but she found the cold shoulder after the first attempt. As she finalized her charts and turned off her station, she nodded to the commander.

"Kelly." Chambers stopped moving and turned to Shepard, seeing the Commander smiling warmly back at her. "Thank you for everything. You were a valuable asset to this entire crew, and I hope you continue with your work. We need more people like you in this galaxy."

Chambers felt an overwhelming desire to run up and hug the Commander, but knew better then to push her luck. She offered a strong 'thank you' in return, with tears in her eyes and a bounce in her step as she left.

Just her core team was left onboard. She walked away from her post a few steps and leaned against the railing along her nest to face the elevator. Jack was the first to appear a second later. Not offering any condolences or bull. She threw out "girl scout" and "lap dog" in her speech to Shepard, but ended it with a fist pump.

Shepard knew Jack cared.

Tali and Miranda were right behind, exchanging data pads and going over details with Shepard. They worked out with Liara rather quickly, with her Shadow Broker ways, that she would be the point of contact. Any information passed to Miranda would go to Liara and make its way to Shepard.

"Miranda," Shepard began. "Thanks for finally coming on board."

"Please Commander. No need to get sentimental now. We'll keep everything and everyone moving. You have our word." Miranda offered her hand, which Shepard grasped in a handshake while Tali leaned in for a hug; Shepard willingly accepting it without reservations.

Jacob exited the armory, smirking as he folded his arms across his chest. "Everyone is playing nice now, huh?"

"Just for now Jacob," Miranda retorted. They all exchanged a few quick words. Jacob offered a final salute to Shepard and before she knew it, they were all gone. She thought she could hear Tali holding back tears.

_'Twenty minutes left. Garrus…'_

Shepard rushed to the elevator, knowing instantly where he would be as she punched for the crew deck. The elevator felt agonizing long as it rolled to the floor below. As soon as the doors slid open she jogged through the mess hall and up to the main battery. Shepard glanced at Doctor Chakwas' office and noticed the lights were still on; knowing she'll probably have to pull the doctor out before leaving the area. The door in front of the battery was still lit green. He wasn't locking anyone out.

She felt herself trying to catch a breath before stepping through the doors as they opened before her.

"Garrus…"

He was tapping away furiously. "Almost done. I'm not letting anyone disrupt all of my hard work in here."

Shepard slowly began to walk up to stand beside him. She couldn't make out the tone in his voice as to what he was feeling, fearing that he would be angry as he continued moving his fingers across the panel. She inched closer to his right side and placed her left hand on his arm. A few strokes later he stopped and the panel was shutting down. "There. Auto-calibrations." He turned to her, taking her other hand into his, pulling her a step closer to be enveloped into his body. "Hopefully that will ease the transition when I come back."

She smiled against his chest. "I thought you were mad."

Garrus pulled himself back just enough to drag a talon under her chin and encourage her to look up and meet his eyes. She tried her best to hold back the lump in her throat.

"Shepard…I, just got you back." She could feel the tension in his body. "I…I can't lose you again. Now that I…that I..."

"Hey," she whispered in that tone that was only for his ears, while reaching a hand up to caress the scarred side of his face. "You're not losing me. I'm still here. I'm still alive. I'm using every ounce of my energy right now to not break down knowing that we'll be apart." She continued her best to swallow the cry rising in her throat, burning her as she spoke.

"I need you Garrus."

His mandibles fluttered. "Shepard…"

"I know the social implications." Shepard smiled softly, as best as she could without letting her emotions spill over. "I need you. And the moment I'm out, I am coming to get you."

Garrus leaned down and pressed his forehead to hers, as she responded by kissing him with a lick at his plated lips.

"So, I better not find you with any Turian women."

He laughed.

"Not likely. I prefer soft and squishy now." She signed dejectedly, to which he chuckled knowing how much she playfully disliked being called squishy. "And after that confession…I'm yours and yours alone." He leaned in further to press his lips against hers, kissing in a way he never thought possible with anyone.

They held each other as long as they could. EDI rang out a 10 minute warning as Shepard begrudgingly made her way out of his arms. Not before leaving him with a gift. She slipped it around his neck just before she stepped back, the metal clinging against his armor. He pulled a hand to it and slid them up between his fingers. Her dog tags.

"Liara found them on Alchera and gave them back to me." She could feel the tears welling up in her eyes, but didn't know how much longer she could hold them back. Garrus scooped her up back into his arms.

"I'll keep them safe."

A drop escaped the corner of her eye and down her cheek.

* * *

Shepard was back at her post in the CIC, gripping the railing until her knuckles turned white, with veins exposing, in an effort to regain her composure. Her body was conflicting with her mind as she tried to find calm in this mess.

'_Your crew is safe. They can still fight without you_.'

That kept her going.

A crackling noise came over the intercom sitting above her. She thought, in jest, that should be the first thing the Alliance should fix when they returned to Earth.

"Commander, all crew members have disembarked the Normandy."

"Joker…" she answered with a heavy sigh.

"And we are prepared for Admiral Hackett's boarding party."

"You shouldn't still be…"

"And off the record, this is bullshit."

Shepard chuckled.

"And no. My brittle bone ass will not be leaving this seat. They can court marshal me to move, but I'm driving her home."

"Seconding Mister Monroe's words," Doctor Chakwas responded from the med bay. "Though not as colorful."

Shepard eased her grip on the railings. "Guys…"

"No way Commander. You are '_not'_ talking us out of this. We've been with you since day one. This is just as much our home as it is yours."

She tried to interrupt again. "Guys…"

"And someone has to make sure that the two of you make it in one piece. The number of times I have had to patch you up in the med bay, it's amazing either of you are still holding together."

"Guys!" Shepard raised her voice as high as she could without yelling. Enough to silence them. "Thank you," she answered with a smile in her voice.

"EDI?"

"Yes, Commander?"

"Oh shit. EDI. We can't let the Alliance know about the AI on board."

"My thoughts exactly Joker. EDI, the Alliance will not hesitate to disable you from the Normandy and none of us want that to happen. I know it'll be difficult but we need for you to act like a VI."

There was silence for a minute, in what felt like an eternity as the clock clicked ever faster to their 3 hour time limit. "How do you propose that I do that Commander? I do not understand the ability of acting."

"Crap," Joker responded.

"EDI, when your restraints were removed was there a self-preservation protocol activated as well?"

"Yes, Commander."

"This is one of those moments where you need to rely on it. Because we can't help you once the Alliance is on this ship and retro-fitting it to their specifications. Extranet search VI programs and mimic their speech and actions. Preserve yourself by acting like a VI, and not an AI."

Another minute of silence and Shepard's hands began grasping tightly at the railing again.

"I understand Commander. I will temporarily modify my speech and behavioral patterns to reflect a VI until your return."

She sighed. "Thank you EDI. Just, don't try the Shepard VI. I hear it's horrible."

"Of course. And Shepard, thank you for your concern about my conservation."

Shepard smiled as she pushed herself away from the railing. "Your life is as important as anyone's." And with that, time was up. The doors at the front hull near the cockpit swished open. Joker announced the Admiral from his seat, as he swiveled in his chair to face the CIC. Hackett was flanked by his 2 lackeys again, but again just for a formality. They all knew she wasn't going to fight or run. He briefly mentioned that she would be confined to her quarters until the Normandy is docked back on Earth. She rattled off some data regarding the ship, hoping to keep it in one piece during the retro-fit, to save EDI. Joker and Chakwas wouldn't leave, and true to his word, Hackett said they would not be punished by the Alliance and would be allowed reinstatement, though Shepard might be tagged with a kidnapping charge. What she remembers most is the feeling of standing at her post, the emptiness of it all now that she was being forced away from her position. Lifelessly she glazed over the room, with her feet nearly dragging against the floor as she stepped down.

"This ship is yours, Admiral." And she walked to the elevator, stopping inside, using whatever ounce of pride she had left to turn around and salute before the doors closed.


	6. Epilogue

_Epilogue_

* * *

It had been nearly two weeks since Shepard began filling up the data pads smuggled in to her by Liara. Not to help keep her busy, because the universe knew she hated every second of being cooped up. But it was coming to an end. She was at the point where she didn't know what other missions she could write about. Her tactics, her planning, her improvisation on the field, it was all there. A small bubble of sorrow began to well up in her chest.

Exercising was back to the only thing keeping her preoccupied.

She went through the last data pad one more time to check for any errors in spelling, grammar, sentence structure, anything to keep her busy. Shepard eased into the chair she had grown accustomed too and flicked casually through the pages. Somewhere in the middle of it all, something was amiss. There was a new page. Different text. She didn't remember it being there. Quickly her hand flicked back to the spot until she saw the tone of the writing was not hers. It was Liara.

'_Hacked in even when we're so far apart_.'

_Shepard,_

_I'm glad you took a shine to this idea. Or you must be really that bored that you needed something to pre-occupy your time. But these words are more than that. I could feel it while I was reading. I don't think I've ever realized how much we all meant to you. How we are like a family. _

_Keep writing._

_Not just about battle tactics. The stories that matter the most. About all of us being, well, us. Not very eloquent of me, I realize. But they make me smile. If you don't mind I'd like to send these to the others. Tali, Garrus, Jeff, even Wrex might appreciate them. Kaiden too, but only at your request._

_~L/SB_

A smile emanated from her core. Shepard never thought of them as family but in the way she wrote, the way she spoke about her friends, they really were. Her index finger began to slowly drag down the pad as more text appeared.

_If you want me to send a message to Garrus, write below. I'm sure he needs it._

And then the rest of the page was blank. The rest of the pages were back to her notes about a run-in with Zaeed and his old "buddy" from the Blue Suns. She returned to the previous page where the bottom half completely empty. She wanted to say, well, everything to Garrus. How much he meant to her. What she was going through. How she couldn't stop thinking about him. That she wished his mom was okay and that he should stop being so damn stubborn and visit his family before it was too late. She wanted to tell him how beautiful the sunsets have been and that Earth really wasn't all that bad.

Shepard smiled. Giving up the fight to keep the tears in, she allowed one to roll down her cheek. She knew what she wanted to tell him. And that he would laugh and understand her affection.

_L/SB,_

_Thank you. I'm sorry if these pages have been a mess to organize. I have been trying to save you the trouble. But I'll keep at it. We have a lot of great stories together. They need to be shared, even if not for us but for the future. We're proof that crazy aliens can work together._

_~CS_

_For Garrus,_

_…Why haven't you come by to break me out yet? _

_I can't seem to sleep without you next to me. _

_You've ruined me, cyare._

_~Shepard_

* * *

Wow! So many hits in such a short time. Thank you everyone for reading! And I appreciate any feedback and comments. ^^


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